Pirates life for me
by Lovelessrapture
Summary: Hanji Zoe, Captain Hanji Zoe, is a pirate of the eight seas. After the biggest heist of her life she and her crew celebrate the only way they know how, with lots of booze, singing, and dancing. The party goes array when Levi shows up aiming to arrest her.


Songs of merriment and conquest bellowed throughout Rose Tavern. The night was starry blanket of the horizon. By that time Hanji's crew was good and drunk. Hanji was loudest of them all. She having had drank most ale in all the eight seas.

Nanaba was recounting the story of how she had single handedly seduced that fool, Captain Mike, into giving her his treasure room key. Hanji broke into the conversation.

"The best part is she didn't actually have to snog him! That dolt dropped the key on the top deck," Hanji erupted in drunken laughter.

"Aye, the greatest nose for traps and he didn't smell me coming at all," Nanaba said, "He dropped his keys before we went into his chambers. I noticed the glitter jewel and hide it next to a pile of rope. Had to tire him out before going back to retrieve it though."

"I'd like to see yer seduce Captain Hanji," Gerger hollered.

"Sorry, boys that chest is not flat enough for me," Hanji joked, "Hell, I'll give the next one of yer man a pint if ye have the flattest chest of all."

Another eruption of laughed boomed throughout the crowded tavern as all the men displayed their chest showing off who had the flattest chest. After a very slow and touchy inspection from Hanji, and, at times, Nanaba and Nifa, Moblit was officially dub flattest chest in all of Rose Tavern.

"I shall drink this pint with honor and haste, mostly haste," Moblit chugged down his prize. He received a standing ovation from the crew. He displayed his chest proudly.

Armin whipped into the tavern. His blonde hair whipping back and forth as his eyes frantically searching for Captain Hanji. He ran deeper into the crowd. Where is she? I have to warn her! His thoughts raced. When the young man finally found the Captain, she was in the back of the tavern in the middle of a dance with Keiji.

"Captain Hanji! Captain Hanji!" Armin panicked.

"W-What can I do for you talkin' coconut?" Hanji hiccupped and laughed at her own joke.

"The blue coats are on their way here."

"Bluejays? Why would bluejays want to rest here?" Hanji said loudly enough to get crew to yell.

"No, Sir, Commander Levi i-," Hanji grabbed hold on Armin. She was seriously drunk, but hearing that name sobered her instantly.

"Commander Levi," Hanji hissed, "Oh, guttershite." Hanji looked passed Armin's blonde head and saw at the doors of Rose Tavern swing open. Commander Levi walking in with two other soldiers. The singing died down as the all eyes glared down the trio. Officer Jean and Officer Eren looked cautiously up and down the rows of eyes.

"Now, now don't let me stop all the fun," Levi announced as he walked steadily to bar. "Barkeep, a glass of your finest lemonade." The barkeep was hesitant, but brought the drink anyways.

"Ah, thank you." Levi grabbed the drink and began sipping it as if all the danger in the world was not a few feet from him. Jean was sweating from the tension. Eren seemed to be keeping his cool, but his hand stay within his coat on his gun.

"You boys should get something to drink." Levi said cheerfully.

Levi started walking around the tavern looking for a seat. Jean and Eren grimaced knowing that Levi only becomes cheerful when he's on the hunt. His greatest joy is his work. There was only one pirate in this land that Commander Levi hunted with the scariest of cheer, Hanji Zoe.

Eren and Jean declined the offer of a drink and followed Levi around. Silence still encumbered them. They were ever cautions as they walked a seemingly pointless path through the patrons. They knew Levi was taking in every detail and every face he saw. He could recall any face after seeing it once.

"Piano Concerto No. 24 in C minor, please," Levi tossed a coin pianist.

The music started playing and though a very somber piece, the atmosphere in the tavern seemed to dull the piece. Levi walked passed available seats even though they were perfect for all three of them. Levi abruptly stopped walking, nearly causing Jean and Eren to bump into the back of him.

Levi had stopped in front of Armin. His body quivered as Levi looked him up and down.

"I have finished my drink," Levi said all too cheery, "Perhaps you can get me another, HANJI!"

Lighting fast, Levi drew his gun and pointed at Armin. Armin gasped as he was lifted into the air by Hanji pointing a gun at Levi.

"Ah, why am I a hostage?" Armin squealed.

"Evenin' Commander Levi," Hanji greeted sourly.

"Evening, Shitty glasses," Levi spit.

"Looks like my fun has ended tonight," Hanji chuckled.

"No, stay. We need to catch up."

"Sorry, no time for pleasantries. The tide is high and it's about time we set sail."

"Oh, but I insist."

"Nope, I am not doing this with you this time. We always end up fighting in front of the kids. You need to learn that in this relationship I just need my space."

"Women, if you don't-" Levi was cut short as the pianist played the wrong note several times in a row, "blundering id-, it's - urgh."

Taking advantage of Levi's musical OCD, Hanji threw Armin head first into Levi's face. Levi was sent hurdling down and the Armin had hit him square in the nose. Jean took out his sword ready to defend. Eren brought out his gun and aimed it at Hanji. Hanji snatched a bomb from her waist and slammed it against the floor. The smoke sent Jean and Eren into fits of coughs.

"Sorry boys, not tonight." Hanji tossed more of her homemade bombs into the air. Causing a stampede to the door.

"Nanaba, Moblit get everyone to the ship. I'll distract Levi." Hanji hopped over Levi and picked Armin up. "Come on coconut head, we gotta move." Hanji made a dash for the door carrying Armin like a handbag.

Hanji skidded to a stopped when she passed through the tavern doors. A platoon had formed a line in front of the tavern. In the middle Admiral Erwin stood at attendance.

"Evening Zoe." Erwin greeted.

"Not you too Erwin," Hanji huffed, "You guys just keep making it harder and harder on yourselves. Captain Hanji Zoe will never be captured."

"Zoe, the game is over." Erwin stated. The resounding clicks as the gunmen readied even made Hanji's heart skip a beat.

"Well no using fighting that."

"Come along quietly Zoe."

Hanji was quiet for a moment. The flashback of her life swam through her head. To think this all started when she met that mermaid.


End file.
